Inspiration as Procrastination

i acquired a new computer since my last post and there is a camera on it. my 1st computer self picture ever.


These are the things I am supposed to be doing right now:

  1. finishing the dishes
  2. calling health insurance (i hate you i need you i’m sorry i’m not sorry) for the hundredth time so i can be on hold for the rest of the evening.
  3. opening mail
  4. doing homework, which means at least looking at it.
  5. working on a writing deadline (t-minus 6 days, eeep.)

INSTEAD: here i am.

I am scrolling through the magpie list, loving it, remembering it, longing for it again! so i am sitting here at my computer, thinking that IF i must procrastinate (and i must.) than this is how: by stirring and embracing that which started all of this in the first place. INSPIRATION.

So much has happened this past year, so much that I am thinking maybe I don’t need to go over it piece by moment for anyone. The point is, it was all mostly good things, and even when it wasn’t a good thing happening, it’s lead me here. You know? And these days I’m feeling pretty happy. And pretty happy is the most happy I have ever felt in my whole life. starting the Magpie list was the beginning of that. So I’m trying to find the more of that, the more of the things that keep me pretty happy.

Today, though, like today today, despite the “pretty happy” part, I am feeling heavy. I feel FULL of learning (philosophy and psychology, ooof.) and sadnessanger (Dylan Farrow) and sadnessanger (Philip Seymour Hoffman). I feel worried, lately, about the internet and our growing dependence on technology, and confused about the NSA, and worried about health insurance (see above reference to phone calls and hold times) and the future of the earth which is the future of my children.

Before I was pretty happy, these kind of whirlpools would suck me right down. Overwhelm put me right into my bed under the covers, out in the world acting angry at the wrong people, crying over spilled milk, maybe chewing my fingernails, maybe drinking too much, definitely thinking too much.

Right now I’m not in bed or snapping at the wrong people; I’m just eating some chocolate frosting, drinking some mint tea and wiping the dust off The Magpie List.

I feel like this note could get terribly dreadfully long if I were to explain right here and now all the new ideas/questions/stories  I have for The Magpie List and there are other things I’m supposed to be doing (see list, above.) So I’m going to stop here.

…But I will say this: perfectionism has no place here. So if you stay a part of the magpie community (please do!) be ready for lower case i’s. Be ready for blog posts that have little theme or “through-line.” And be ready to be inspired.




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